Ways to handle stress

The pictures below are taken from web and are self-explanatory in their own way, listing few keys to manage stress. 

But when it comes to actually managing the devil, the biggest problem, the worst nightmare; sometimes even these tips fails to do any good and that’s what makes it difficult for us to face the reality with the good lively spirit.

Hence here I have tried to list down some of my personal favourite ways which are tried and tested in my life and might help you as well.

1. Focus on what you can control:

Most of the things that stresses out have nothing to do with us. They aren’t up to us. They aren’t worth worrying about. 

2. Prepare for it in advance:

Don’t just do positive visualization, do negative visualization as well. Seneca says, the blow you anticipate, lands the least heavy.

3. Morning Journal:

Every morning I spend a few minutes with journal; writing down my thoughts, working out what I am stressed about. Then I do the same thing in the evening, where I review how the day went, what I could do better. Did I really need to be worried? Did my worry make anything better?

4. Have a hobby:

Have something that’s different than your work. It’s different than your kids. That allows you to put some of your energy to good use. 

The Stoice like to say that we should laugh at life, don’t cry about it. That is, don’t let everything weigh on you so much. Life is absurd rather than terrible. 

5. Memento Mori:

You are going to die. We are all going to die. None of this is just permanent. Relax. In the light of your very fragile mortality, almost nothing is worth stressing about.

Wishing you all a very nice and less worrisome life. Don't expect it to be without problems. After-all, it is life and hence synonymous to problems; just be an expert in managing the things what life brings to you.

Looking forward to know your views on these in the comment section below.

Decide when you should get angry

 

Much has been said about anger, an emotion that most of us experience often. We read about anger, we learn anger management tips, and we know that it is an emotion with the power to destroy, and yet when it comes to our own lives, it’s an altogether different story.

Anger may be an emotion that we cannot evade, but the truth is that life is much more beautiful when we learn not to succumb to it.

Let me try and put a story narration in words: There was once a saint who felt like having a bottle of beer. He asked his disciples to get him one. When the shocked disciples did as they were told, the saint simply folded his hands and stared at the bottle.

Later, he asked his disciples to take it away. When one of them asked him, “What was it that you did?” the saint told him something that we all need to understand. He said, “I cannot control the feelings, the emotions, or the temptations but I can definitely control my actions.”

As long as I keep my hands folded, there is no way I can grab this bottle of beer, and even though I cannot control my temptations I can control my actions.

I have realized that when you are angry the best thing to do would be nothing at all. These days, when I get really upset I choose not to say anything. I retire to my room for a couple of minutes, listen to some music, or distract myself. I let myself feel the emotion, but I don’t let myself react.

When we were little kids we used to write with pencils. It was a sign that told us that our mistakes could be corrected. As we grew older we received permanent markers to paint with on the canvas called life. This is because we were expected to take the responsibility of not making irreversible mistakes. Anger doesn’t allow us the irreversible mistakes and hence should be chosen wisely if can’t be controlled.

Now when I am saying that you can not avoid to be angry, then the exquisite minds should have this question; is there any right time to get angry?

Let me try to explain the point of DECIDING WHEN TO GET ANGRY:

Bhishma Pitamah is known to have done only one blunder in life – he did not get angry at the right moment, when Draupati was being disrobed.

Whereas Jatayu is known for only one virtue in his life – he got angry at the right time, when Sita was being kidnapped by Ravana and he tried to save her.

When the time came, both died.

But Bhishma Pitamah died on the bed of arrows and Jatayu died in the lap of Lord Rama.

The vedas state that anger turns into a blessing when it is done for the cause of ethics and morality, and on the other hand, tolerance may turn into a sin when it cannot safeguard ethics and morality.

HENCE DECIDE WISELY WHEN YOU SHOULD GET ANGRY.

 

Story behind the Wallet

 

My Dad kept his wallet in his back right pocket. I remember it being thick and full of things like credit cards, business cards, a little cash, a full year’s calendar, and notes he had torn from pieces of paper. There was also the plastic photo holder filled with pictures of me, my sister, and my mom.

Dad was very far from ever being considered rich, but you’d never know it from his wallet. If we were at dinner with another family, Dad was always the first to grab his wallet in order to pay the bill.

I never thought too much about his wallet until I had a family of my own and discovered how few rupees were usually in mine. I have since learned from my Mom how tight things were when we were growing up. They would talk privately, late into the night, wondering how they were going to make ends meet. But I never knew. Dad’s wallet always seemed to have more than enough as far as I could tell.

There was the time I found my wallet completely empty. I had nowhere to turn, except Dad’s wallet. A difficult and tear-filled phone call home resulted in an immediate gift which to this day, I have no idea how Dad’s wallet managed. Missionaries, after all, are almost always just barely surviving financially. There was never even the slightest hint of repayment.

As Dad grew older, the need for his thick back pocket wallet changed. New technology let him carry around his calendar and notes on his cell phone as well as dozens of photos of his family. Several years ago I noticed Dad’s old wallet had become worn out and it was time for a new one. I found a new slim-lined front pocket wallet and wrapped it up for his birthday. And the same way I bought a new one for my mom too. It was the last wallet she’d carry.

It’s funny how such a simple little thing like a wallet can become meaningful. Just this past week, my Dad and I returned from a trip and as we walked through the airport I mentioned I needed a new wallet because mine had started to fall apart. Shortly after returning home, Dad presented me with a gift. Yes, Mom’s wallet. The same one I had given Mom a few years earlier.

I love this wallet. When he gave me his wallet, he intended for me to use it completely and freely, just as if mom were standing next to me. And I did just that.

As I write this letter to you, Mom’s wallet is resting comfortably in my purse. It was few years ago the Lord took my mom. I can’t help but take Mom’s wallet out and look it over. Each time I do, sweet memories come pouring back. It has my things in it now, so I suppose to my kids it still is “Mom’s wallet.”

Over time, I know Mom’s wallet will wear down and eventually need to be replaced. That’s okay, it’s just a thing. But in many ways, it represents who I am, the choices I make, and how I live my life. And that makes me wonder what my children will remember when they think about “Mom’s wallet.”

May God give me the grace to “give what I cannot keep in order to gain what I cannot lose.”

 

 

Why the story of saree is as complex as its pleats?

I don’t know why it took me so long to write something about this. the thing which is so close to my being and existence, “THE SAREE”. 

The Saree delineates elegance, grace and respect to every lady fortuitous of the fabulous drape. It could be Indira Gandhi communicating nationalism and seriousness through her aristocratic Khadi, it could be Lady Gaga going gaga in a Tarun Tahiliani creation, it could be the white wave at a funeral, it could be the bride Aishwarya in the stunning red and gold zari embellished wedding saree. There is grace in a saree, memories in a saree, there is love in a saree, colours, emotions, stories too but most importantly there is Strength In A Saree. Yes more than anything else, I feel that there is a #strengthinsaree.

I have seen women with strength wearing this boldly and beautifully accentuating the grace they own and courage they hold. Women have been sharing many stories of receiving prestigious awards in their sarees, their first day at work, getting married in their mother’s saree, and many more. 

For me, though, it’s not the special days to decide to wear the pretty thing rather on the low days, I skip wearing this. I have always been in love with these 6 yards of cloth, not because I was born to love it this way but seeing my mom loving it  every day. I remember her, while getting ready for work, after finishing the entire household work, she always used to make sure to drape the prettiest of all, sarees and hitting the pleats strongly to run towards the bus stand to catch a local bus to be on time in office. That’s where I inherit the love for this garment. It was a matter of pride and authority for her at that time, and now for me. And this is the reason, that for anything else, I take it as a symbol of strength.

This is how I live with the memories of my mom every day. Though I have very few of her sarees, but knowing that she is always with me, seeing me strong and bold in the garment that she loved the most, I consider that her blessings are with me, and she is keeping an eye on me to protect me from every evil.

It would be incomplete a write up without mentioning that, it should not always be the costliest, the designer one, the golden zari one, to make you stand out…. But a simple printed one can also do wonders when you wear it with the right spirit and attitude. With saree, you can play it safe at an uncertain dress code occasion because a saree never fails.

Happy saree’ing people. 

Do you relate to me when it comes to saree? 

Please post me with your experiences, memories, and special mentions about your saree stories. Looking forward to hearing from all my readers.

 

Reminders for your darkest moments of self-doubts

Why are we feeling this way—so beaten up and worn down?

 

Why is it that, once fallen, we don’t attempt to rise back up? Or, having lost one thing, why don’t we attempt to seek another?

Why? Why? Why!!!

Because we give up on ourselves too soon.

We let that monster named negativity chew us up and spit us out into a mucky puddle of self-doubt.

And we’ve all been there at some point too. So, if you can relate right now, here are some important reminders to keep handy…

1.   When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not a sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right – when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.

2.   On particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far. And you don’t want to make it less than that now either.

3.   Have a little faith that the universe has a plan for you, and it’s all being revealed in the right time frame. Something you will eventually learn through all your ups and downs is that there are no wrong decisions in life, just choices that will take your life down different paths. Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow, or lose in order to gain. Sometimes the lesson you need most can only be learned through a little pain.

4.   Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

5.   Life is not about maintaining the status quo. Life is not about playing it safe every second. Life is not about standing still and wallowing in self-doubt. It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able. It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how hard and small they may be, so you can move forward and evolve. 

6.   You must make a firm decision that you’re going to move forward. It won’t always happen naturally or automatically. Sometimes you will have to rise and say, “I don’t care how hard this is. I don’t care how disappointed I am. I’m not going to let this go without getting the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

7.   No matter what’s happening, you CAN efficiently fight the battles of today. Realize that it’s not the experience of today by itself that devastates you, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.

8.   When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have time to change the things you can control. And that changes everything.

9.   Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.

10.      Making mistakes means you’re actually DOING something in the real world and learning from it. Real learning comes from making mistakes. And mistakes come from gradual implementation.

11.      If you never go after it again, you’ll never have it. If you never ask again, the answer will always be no. If you never step forward again, you’re stuck right where you are.

12.      In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become.

13.      Everyone has a little talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it into the dark places where it leads, and beyond. 

14.      Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it’s simply a whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

15.      If you’re still sitting there thinking, “Things should be different right now,” take a deep breath. That’s not true and you know it. Because if it were true, things would be different right now. Stay present and focus on what you can create today. And tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.

Now, it’s your turn…

It’s your turn to reinforce your better judgment.

All the love and validation you need is yours to give yourself.

Truth be told, someday everything will make better sense. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life. And you’ll look back at these past times, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”

So take a deep breath right now. And another…

And, please leave me a comment below and let me know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to me as always.  

 

Stability a myth: My life story

Introduction

Born and brought up in the capital of the country, you can call me a big town girl, belonging to a middle-income group family by virtue of birthing in a service class family. No big or fancy profits at the end of every month but a hard-earned salary getting credited into the account of both of my working parents. We, I, and my sister, have been taught from the beginning that to earn something extra you have to be little more extra ordinary because the resource set at your disposal is very limited. I still remember how for claiming that one piece of, so called imported, chocolates; I and my sisters have always been advised to get some unrealistic grades or some next to impossible positions. Although they looked like the most difficult things to achieve, but with the end rewards attached to them, they always made us work hard to achieve. Moral of the story, which we have been living since childhood now is, EARN IT TO HAVE IT.

Educational Endowments

     What made me a decision maker since the beginning is the liberty to choose when others of my age were served with an already chosen plater. That played a major role in making me a present version of myself . At that point in time, it was really a matter of pride to choose or decide for my own self as to what I want to pursue further up in my studies and that’s when I decided a non-medical background for myself, when my father wanted both his daughters to be doctors. So, I decided to be a doctor in my own field when, back in those days, doctor was just a synonymous to medical profession. This was the starting point when I decided to be an Economist.

My love affair

     It was during my masters when I met this guy and fell in love with. Knowing that he comes from an entirely different family background, culturally different set up and most importantly from a state which is like “some 3-digit number” miles away. But I take pride in stating that after fighting all the odds against us, we could manage to continue our long-distance relation then and a married couple now.

Electrifying corporate life

      It is during the end of our master’s degree when I got into a good corporate job, and he decided to move back to his town to do something more exciting, matching his choice and alignment of mind. Actually, or probably, this is the only common thing we have between us; TO BE THE DECISION MAKERS FOR OURSELVES. He went back to initiate a start-up in those times when literally the dictionary did not have this word called “STARTUP” in it. And this made our love story harder, because making a middle-class service man (my dad) understand the meaning of start-up was the toughest thing to do. And when every father wants a king to marry his daughter, you cannot convince him easily to married off her daughter to a person who is just in the initial phase of investing without a prior date of returns attached to this. But I happily claim to sail through all of it, though it took a lot of time.

Parting away from my earning profile

     Always being known for making the bold decisions in my family, I decided to take one more of such decisions wherein I decided to quit my job, which was paying me handsomely at that time, to join a full time Ph.D. program and starting again as a student. Afterall, this also was a prestige as I could crack the only seat, to enter one of the best universities of not only the country but the world. Since this decision took away the financial independence so I had to constraint myself on many grounds to a given limited income coming via fellowship.

     This phase did not only give me the wisdom to follow a sustainable lifestyle but also exposed me to the world full of realities. Reality of being able to survive with the basic minimum means of living, reality to survive when you do not have fancy earnings, reality to see the world in a one Levis jeans worn for more than a month etc. etc. I really had my learning curve moving upward during this phase of my life, when I was surrounded with the most intellectual population and the best mentors to guide me through, not only my thesis, but life.

     This was the time when I visited most of the states and could also crossed the international boundaries just because I could manage to work well on my projects, my research works and my assignments. I was exposed to the world full of shining and same minded people and had the privilege to interact to the best mentors of the world in my field of study. God was really kind enough to me as I was given my fair chance to grow up once again. I cannot be more thankful for this time of my life, which majority of population can only dream to live off.

Enquiry time

Many of you must have been wondering as to why was I do not get stable in life till now. May be because, “Change is the only constant thing” was my life’s principle and that kept me going.

When wishes got granted   

When I got married and started living with my husband and his family in a state, many miles away, from mine, I got through the most prestigious and the most difficult of all the tests to enter the Government Jobs. That was a dream come true and I thought I got everything which I ever wished for. And that was the point, I thought, will bring the stability into my otherwise volatile and a nomadic life.

     Entering a secured job structure with the most respected and fancy facilities and the finest salary package, I joined the service around 7 years back. The only drastic decision I took at that time was to again have a long-term relationship with my husband as we decided to work in two different states. But this did not bother both of us at that time as we were young and enthusiastic enough to travel miles, every weekend or to explore the places on our mutual off days. That’s how the life moved, and I had nothing to complain about.

Entry of liveliness         

Kids happened and I found myself standing on the crossroad of life, thinking as to what all and how to manage further with two kids and two different workstations of mine and my husband’s.

Afterall, we still live in the world of dilemma where women have historically been the primary caretaker of children and in the same vein, men have historically been the breadwinners and are expected to succeed in their careers to be providers. But again, going against all the myths and at the same time, duly supported by everyone in the family, I decided to move back to my workplace with two kids (under two) along and we mutually decided that papa (my husband) will keep moving in and out of the state and I will remain stationary at one station.

    Again, I must appreciate that no one interfered in my decision of moving away from my in-law’s family with the kids, when they had all the reasons and liberty to do that. But they all supported my decision and allowed me the flexibility of being my own decision maker. I really respect them for this and cannot thank them enough for giving me the most wanted liberty and courage.

Self-calling

Things were moving on, but there was a guilt within me which kept on firming in with time that I was doing a crime to keep the kids away from their father and the most precious love of their grandparents. As they say, that when you get stuck, take the time away and when you come back, you will know if it’s working for you or not. And that is the moment when clarity comes in.  That’s what I did to get my mind clear off all the thoughts clouding my thought process. And this was the time again when I decided to take another bold decision of my life. Yes, again a decision, a life changing one.

I decided to quit my Government Job, a gazetted post, a post with lot many prestigious powers and benefits attached to it. The decision which I took was of the kind that not even one in millions take. There wasn’t even one single person I met or heard from, who supported this decision of mine when it comes to professional growth with job stability of a working professional.

The only thing which kept me strong on this decision was MY PRIORITY IN LIFE which was and will always be my FAMILY. Families set the stage for future relationships; when life gets hard, feeling of acceptance and understanding only comes from family; it is only the family that provides affection and encouragement which a person needs to feel content. It is only family that foster a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself. It is only those people who have been raised in the close families, develop healthier relationships throughout their lives. I have lived to the fact that it is the family where I have learnt how to manage my emotions, how to interact with others. It was the first setting where I learnt about the consequences, punishments, and the concept of rewards. These lessons only shaped my world view and helped me to see how the world worked. Along with the life lessons, I have learned all the value systems by and being within my family.  It is only the healthy families that forms the backbone of any healthy society. And then I decided to not to dare take this away from my kids.

I took this decision of shifting back to my husband’s place and fitting myself into a private work set up for my kids to grow up in an atmosphere where they find a sense of belongingness, where they find their mamma and papa both loving them equally, where their grandparents shower them with their choicest blessings and love, where they can grow each day to be a better version of their self.

    I’ll not make a mistake of calling my life a stable one now because you don’t know what it has to offer you next, but at present I am content and have no regrets for taking any decision, whatsoever.

 

Texts: Send these to friends to cope up with stress

It's so easy to send memes, make jokes, and talk about absolutely nothing via text. But when it comes to to texting  friend to check in on them, finding the right words can ne tough. if a friend is struggling with mental health, you might worry about saying the wrong thing, hurting their feelings, or worse. and yet it is advised to reach out anyway, especially if you haven't heard from them in a while. 

That doesn't necessarily mean straight up asking about their anxiety or depression. If you know they're going through a tough time, all you really need to do is make contact. Sometimes sending an "I'm thinking of you" text is a great place to start as it'll brighten their day and help them feel less alone.

Just don't expect a lively conversation or a response right away. "Your friend may not be ready to talk," and that's OK. If they know you are there consistently — in an open-minded and non-judgmental way — it really can mean the world.

Here, a few more ways to check in on a friend so that they know you always have their back.

"I know you said you're not ready to talk. But I'm here when you are"

This is the perfect text to send when a friend is being a bit distant or taking time to focus on themselves. They'll find comfort in the fact they can dip out of their social life for a while, and still have you when they come back.

But this is one to send to a friend who's pushing people away, as well, perhaps due to a mental health condition. Don't cross their boundaries but go ahead and wedge yourself into their life just a little bit, so they know they're not alone.

"Hey, I'm stopping by the grocery store, let me know if you need anything"

"Often those with mental health conditions struggle with maintaining their daily functioning," so if you know your friend isn't doing the best, go ahead and offer a hand.

This text is also a slick way to gauge how they've been feeling. If they confirm they need help buying groceries, that's when you follow up and get more info, to make sure they're OK.

"Wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you!"

If you've ever struggled with your mental health, then you know how isolating it can be. "This text is an affirming one that reminds the friend that they are not alone,". It's so simple, yet so effective.

"Hi, I saw this and immediately thought of you :) How've you been?"

If you happen to see or hear something that reminds you of the friend in question — like their favourite song or movie — text them immediately and let them know. Then ask how they are.

This text will bring back a positive memory for your friend, which might perk them up a little. It also creates space for a longer convo, if they're up for it.

"Get ready, we're going for a walk."

"Your friend may not be motivated to get dressed and go out when feeling stressed or overwhelmed," but a little push like this one can make all the difference.

The process of getting dressed and following through with plans, however small, can change someone's mindset and set them up for similar positive behaviours in the future.

""No need to respond, but just wanted to say hey!"

It's not uncommon for folks struggling with their mental health to not have the energy or clarity of mind to respond to texts.

They also often feel guilty or stressed when messages pile up, which is why it's super cool to start a text by reminding them that's OK. Simply say hi and let them know they can write back whenever.

"I saw you posted on Instagram and wanted to make sure you're OK."

If you notice something out of the ordinary — like a post on social media that has negative undertones — take that as your cue to reach out.

Even though it might feel awkward, because talking about feelings can be awkward sometimes, your friend will appreciate it. Texting a friend who you know is struggling will make them feel thought of, cared about, and loved. Fight past the awkwardness and send that text!

"Hey, just wanted to hear more about what's been going on."

If you ask a friend if they're OK or if they feel sad, they can easily write back with a one-word response — and that'll be the end of the conversation.

But if you get into the habit of asking things like "What's been going on?" or "How have you been feeling?", it can help your friend open up a little more.

They might benefit from discussing their feelings, and you'll benefit from getting more info, so you can figure out more ways to support them.