Effortless things that can make you look more attractive

Anybody can uplift their sex appeal by dressing in a way that flatters their body, smelling, donning those heels, and wearing make-up that accentuates their best features. This is standard protocol when we think about what makes us look sexy. But, there are a few non-sexual things that you do, that up your sex appeal without you even realizing it. Such as...

1. Exercising

Yes, it's not because it makes you fit, but because it makes you a happy person. People who are physically active, and connected with their body stand apart. It's in the way they hold themselves, and the way they relate to others. They are happy people. They take care of themselves, and that makes them sexy.

I got so much attention when I carried my yoga mat, the other day I were travelling. It’s not that people wanted to know what I practice or how beautiful the mat is neither they were interested in my trimmed body (which I anyways don’t have). It’s only the radiating soul of mine which was attracting people. As I just mentioned, when you exercise, you connect to your body and from there the happiness comes alive. So keep exercising and keep feeling happy.

2. Reading

Come on! Are you really going to argue this one? It is sexy to be smart. But, more importantly, readers also make for good conversationalists because, if nothing else, they will always have a book or a character that's on their mind that they'd want to talk about. Good conversation is orgasm for the brain.

I usually keep myself busy reading or writing. Actually the later comes when you regularly practice the first one. And it is so damn correct that you have so much to talk and present and convey when you take a dip into good read and makes your brain ready for everything good further.

3. Laughing

We are attracted to happy people. If you're the one who sits in the corner, sulking at a party, chances are you'll be doing that all night. Good vibes attract good vibes.

As the saying also go, laughing is the best medicine. And I resort to a good laugh when I feel little low. It just doesn’t attract the people around you but also uplift our mood. And always remember, that no one in the world is free from problems rather everyone have more than they can handle. So no one is interested in listening to yours rather they want to be with you because you make them forget their problems. Therefore all you should be doing is to keep smiling and making others feel better because that’s the only way to act like a magnet to attract good vibes.

4. Smelling nice

It's not just about wearing good perfume. Subtle fragrances like the whiff of your shampoo, or your body lotion titillate the senses, and go a long way.

Smell is something even a blind can feel. And that uniqueness in you cannot be replaced by anything in the world which is bought by the nice smell. My husband usually recognize me even from far off, by just smelling my unique self. And I am so proud of that. So keep the uniqueness alive in you and stay a point of attraction.

5. Not caring about what others think

There are two kinds of people in this world - ones who are out to have fun because they want to show the world just how carefree and cool they are, and ones who are out to have fun for the sake of having fun. They dance differently, hold their drink differently, and are entirely focused on themselves. It is the latter that attract attention, precisely because they are not actively searching for it.

Be you and that’s the only mantra one can adapt to be a successful because that’s the only way you can be true to yourself and of course to the others also. Stop caring about the world because the world is wise and efficient enough to do that for itself. Just care about the priorities of your life and about the people of your life who are the part of those priorities.

Is LIfe Bigger Than Death?

I carry a signature saying, "Life is bigger than death." These are hope-filled comfort words.   When I long for my Mom's hug, and miss loved ones who have left this world, I nestle into this truth.  

The other day I were low, missing many around, and I don’t know if God knew it? While driving that day I tuned in to a radio channel where the speaker was about to share some live events which let you believe that life is really bigger than death. It sounded like this;

It is about:

Writer of many films such as: Aawara, Shri 420, Mera Naam Jokar, Bobby, etc.

Producer and Director to some offbeat films namely: Saat Hindustani, Do boond Paani, etc.

Khawaja Ahmad Abbas, popularly known as K.A. Abbas, also a column writer in Blitz Newspaper, which use to be liked and appreciated hugely by readers.

The days during which he realized that there are not many days left to his life, then he called his secretary Abdul Rehman and handed over him his will. Which, as per his last wish, was decided to read in front of everyone including his relatives and friends only after his demise.

On 1^st June 1987, he said his last goodbye to life. And as per his choice and desire, the will was read after that in front of his loved and dear ones. Some of the paragraphs of the same are as follows:

I, Khawaja Ahmad Abbas, age 73 years, in all my senses, but in the bad health phase of my life, would like to share my thoughts about my life. Many people do not even live for 70 years but fortunately, I lived 3 years more than that. Please don’t grief or mourn on my death. Please don’t shed any tear.

While laying me to rest, please take care of the fact that when you take me for my last journey, from home to graveyard, play Maharashtra Band in front of it. When you pick me up from home, it should be on my friends shoulder. Bring my body to Chaupati near Mahatma Gandhi’s Statute, and entomb me next to my wife.

I don’t know anything about hell and heaven, but in this life I have already experienced what heaven would be like and also I have skilled how hell would be. And that is why I request you all to celebrate my death and not feel sorry about it. And I really want that the people mentioned below should not speak for more than 5 minutes.

1.   Editor Biltz: R. K. Kalanjia (Rustom Khurshedji Karanjia)

2.  Prolific and versatile Urdu writer: Ali Sardar Jafri

3.  Indian film dialogue and screenwriter: Inder Raj Aanand

4.  V.P. Sathe

5.  Roshan Fayal Maulvi (Muslim), Brahaman (hindu), Essai (Christian)

They were the closest to him but they all were allowed to speak not even for 5 minutes, may be because he never wanted his closed one to suffer in any way, neither emotionally nor physically.

Alright my dear friends, please accept my blessings and love.

When do we meet next, or don’t know if we ever meet again or not, but if you want to meet me and speak to me then please turn the pages of books written by me. I promise to meet you there in those books. Alright! Good Bye! Good Bye! Good Bye!

Rest only Love, Love and love.

And that day I could not ask the God to expand my knowledge on the idea more. I’ve graciously offered some keys to more fully comprehend the greatest gift God has given each of us.  The gift of LIFE:

1. Life is a Person, death is not.

2. Because Life is a Person, there is relationship. Another way to describe death is the diminishment or cessation of relationship.

3. Life exists without any reference to death, but death cannot 'seem to exist' except in reference to Life.

4. Out of Life emerges all of creation, death has created nothing.

5. Life is pro-creative and co-creative, death is sterile.

6. Human beings introduced death (un-created Life); it does not originate in God.

7. God, who is Life, defeated death and did so as a human being.

8. Death can be un-done and swallowed up.  Life can only be lied about.

9. Life continues after 'death'.

10. Death will ultimately be eradicated; Life promised!

Some coffee, birds and lessons

While sitting in a fantastic place with the blue sky above, sprinkling water over your head to keep you cool and the delicious food to keep you away from hunger I observed few things today. These are the things which we generally overlook but when we dive into the deep meaning of every small little detail of these, then we come to know that they usually teach us those lessons which otherwise we ignore.

“Hey, do you want to grab coffee soon?”

It’s a text that regularly lights up my phone; it’s one I’ve sent many times. When I moved to this present job, shortly after finishing my PhD, I knew none in this government land. And later got to know just few, rather just two who can be asked for coffee or Friday evenings’ celebrations, because my initial concerns were adjusting to my new job and not  knowing many as I have always been choosy on the people whom I love to conversant with. I will get to know people gradually, I thought.

There was new job, there was work, there was other stuff — and there was plenty of “grabbing coffee” with new acquaintances in the midst of it all. (Can we also briefly acknowledge how weird of a phrase “grabbing coffee” is?) Yet as the months and then years passed, I still felt like I only really knew those same two people or may be two more now. I’d just left a campus where I felt like I knew everyone, and this sense of loneliness — of missing something — became heavier and heavier.

What was I doing wrong?

Good news! I’m not alone in this eternal cycle of lattes and small talk now.

And thank goodness science is here to explain why: In the 2012 New York Times article “Friends of a Certain Age,” Alex Williams references the “three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” This combination of factors, according to sociology professor Rebecca G. Adams, “is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college.”

But now college is over, and Williams writes that “it’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.”

“Kind of friends” are those people with whom you set up a meeting at Starbucks or any other (in a series of texts that include an appropriately cheerful amount of exclamation points). They’re the friends who ask about where you’re from and where you went to school, and they try to find anything you might have in common. The coffee may be hot, but the conversation is lukewarm at best. Time together usually ends with “we gotta do this again soon.”

I love coffee and I love a good conversation that’s accompanied by good coffee.

Coffee invigorates the senses, boosts concentration and serves as a great backdrop to a number of different scenarios. When meeting with a friend, someone who's more than a friend or a potential employer, a batch of coffee can go a long way. Keep a cup on hand while you discuss love, life and opportunities.

"Once the mug is empty, it's time to go."

Hence my take away to sum up is, it gives you exact time with exact taste to discuss the exactly the relevant things or may be to bring in the feeling of lighter you.

Also, while sitting with the coffee in hands and observing the birds flying in one particular direction, behind them I could only see the light orange sky which absolutely looked like a blue lady, wearing a light colour saree draping some magical light in her flap making it look orange. It was a sun set effect, the sign of an end to a super day but also the start of the hope for a better tomorrow.

I also feel that since the earliest times of men, birds have inspired our deepest imaginations. Fearless and free in the sky, birds make us wonder, what would it be like to fly?

While none of us can sprout wings, we can all simply observe and learn from these beautiful creatures on how to create a beautiful life. Here are life lessons I could sum up today:

1. Be confident.

Birds learn to trust themselves before they take off in the sky. So have faith in your abilities and know that you will find a warm current to soar in.
 

2. Let your colors shine.

Different birds have hundreds of different hues. Be bright and make sure you aren’t hiding what makes you one-of-a-kind.
 

3. Show up early and often.

The legendary early bird gets the worm for a reason. So find something worth showing up for, and then show up every day.
 

4. Go with the seasons.

Birds thrive despite changes in their environment. Be fluid and go with the flow, trusting your ability to always find a branch to land on.
 

5. Flock together.

Birds seek strength and sustenance from one another. Keep friends and family close by as you navigate the days.
 

6. Spread your wings.

Eventually, all birds must leave the safety of the nest and become what they are meant to be. Have no fear of falling, and start flapping.

7. Always come back to nest.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, but the home and the family is the ultimate place where you belong to and should come back to is the final lesson, none other than birds, can teach you better.

And my additional take away sums up like this: you can’t keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair.

Socializing + Solitude = Balanced Life

Deep down, we all find it draining having to talk to too many people.

Having an active social life is one of the strongest predictors of longevity and good health. Human connection is one of the most fundamental and important human drives. But it can also be our most tiring!

Quick question: raise your hand if you ever get tired after talking to too many people. Did you raise your hand? Congrats: you’re human!

I think we tend to overplay our differences, and underestimate just how similar we all really are deep down in our basic needs, striving, and frustrations. Our common humanity. Emerging trends reflect that even though we each show distinct patterns of thoughts, motivations, and behaviors that make us different from each other, we actually display the whole spectrum of behaviors in our everyday life. Everybody sometimes gets tired from too many social interactions, sometimes acts like a jerk, sometimes is lazy, etc. Just some of us are consistently more so on a regular basis than others.

The next question I would like to ask you is if you know if you are an introvert or an extrovert? Understanding your social type can make a huge impact on the quality of your life. Sorting people into introverts and extroverts is a convenient way of arranging people into two different categories of social type. But I acknowledge that this is not a black and white issue, so very few people are complete extroverts or complete introverts.

The most prominent descriptions about introverts can be that they need to be alone and recharge after too many social interactions. While this is undoubtedly true, does this really differentiate introverts from extroverts?

It is found that the more people were acting extroverted and conscientious, the more they reported being in a positive mood and feeling lower levels of fatigue in the moment, but after few hours they show higher levels of fatigue.

Nevertheless, there are real differences between introverts and extroverts that shouldn't be ignored. For one, introverts really do prefer solitude and quiet time more, on average, than extroverts. Also, it is observed that extroverts are more driven to engage in social interactions that particularly increase social status or social attention.

There is direct evidence suggesting that too much socializing is draining for everyone. Indeed, in general, it is recorded that when under stress, tired, or living in crowded circumstances, people often choose to be alone if they can. Taken together, all of this suggests that for most humans on this planet, having a reasonable amount of social interaction and working hard toward goals makes people feel good, but too much of either tends to make people tired after a few hours.

We fall somewhere along the line between extroversion and introversion. Awareness of your position on this spectrum of introversion and extroversion is one of the important steps in discovering your perfect balance between social and solitude. With this knowledge you can begin living more enjoyable life by finding your golden ratio of social time and solitude. The balance between the two will help you move closer to your optimal point of your energy and well being.

Why I am happier without a smartphone

I'm watching a young guy absent-mindedly spinning his iPhone between his thumb and index finger. He reminds me of me. Me when I used to have a smartphone. But a week after after replacing it with a dumbphone (it wasn’t an intentional move though), I can finally see them for what they really are. Toys at best; tools for social media companies to sell your attention at worst.

You point your finger and laugh. Why would you use a dumbphone? Well, I got fed up with smartphones. I got sick of replacing broken screens, running out of battery, fixing broken screen guards and having them stolen. And this time it just went blank in my hands while in use (frustrating) giving me no time to retrieve the data. Also, I wanted to know if I would miss my smartphone. After all, we can't live without them, right?

No, wrong. Totally wrong. I don't miss my smartphone in the slightest. I'm still chugging along without my smartphone over here. Actually, I wouldn't describe it that way. Thriving without my smartphone is a better way to put it. I kind of feel like I've discovered the secret to living a more fulfilling life. Are you ready for it? Be less connected to social media! At least that's what is working for me. I feel like I'm even less accessible to the world now and I love it. Another plus is that I have more time on my hands. I still check Instagram on my old i-phone (4s with minimum space i.e. just 9 GB), but I check it much less often. I've become more deliberate with how I spend my time online, and that has made such a difference. No more mindlessly scrolling. I am more content, more involved in what is happening in my home, and less hurried. Honestly, I haven't come across one negative since I made the switch or have been forced to by the act of GOD!

In fact, I'd say that life is better without it. Let's take a look at why. Here is what I used to do with my smartphone.

1. Chat with my imaginary friends.

I've never been a heavy chat user, but I was just getting into WhatsApp. How am I going to stay connected with those who prefer WhatsApp to anything else? I wondered.

Well, I found a solution for that too. I DON'T.

WhatsApp is an annoying waste of time. Having to send text messages instead of chat is a good way to filter out noise. Then there's making phone calls. Remember when people used to do that?

Having an email on your phone is a great way to keep you working around the clock, but that's not what I'm aiming for. Then there's Facebook, I guess. But that will have to wait for another day or for the time when I access it on my desktop / laptop.

2. Camera

Something that I really love is that my life is now being documented with high-resolution digital photos (credit goes to the high end phones of my friends) instead of blurry, low-def cell snaps with my earlier phone. If I’d had a smartphone, I probably would have sent it to the people using WhatsApp  or would have posted the photo on Instagram immediately after clicking it (which I am doing now with patience and ease) and then checked it a million times to see who liked it. 

But you know what? No one cares how I were matching my saree on a working day, where am I visiting when I am with my husband, or whom I am clicking the pictures with; except me! So posting it to a social media account, by keeping your all other works pending, felt pretty silly once I thought about it.

3. Demonstrate my social status.

Smartphones are a status symbol. Let's face it. If you want to be cool, you have to have an iPhone 7 or 7+. Apple's marketing department decrees it so. What sort of self-respecting hipster would use anything else? 

But ironically, I wasn’t using it earlier also, nor am I using it now. Although given an opportunity, I still want to have it (who doesn’t want a social status) but without the WhatsApp and facebook installed in it.

4. Make phone calls.

My dumbphone can do that too and it does it with much more efficiency and ease, because the entire battery is not drained out of your cell phone when you need it the most.

That's it. If you are tempted to give up your smartphone, even the tiniest bit, I say go for it. You can always switch back if you need to. I don't think you'll regret giving it a try. At least I can't find a good reason to buy another smartphone right now.

Surely not.

But I don't mind receiving one as a gift :)  

Real Love

Real love…hmm—what the hell is it? I know I’m not the only one asking, because “love” is the most googled word there is. I love the quote:“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” Maybe love is anything that gets below the surface and shatters your armor.

Some says that romantic relationships are a training ground for true love. I remember this famous line from the movie “Love Story”, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Love means always having to say you’re sorry, and also always having to say, ‘I forgive you.’”

People talk about divine love, self-love, mother-child love, husband-wife love; maybe there’s one big love and we’re all trying to put it in a neat little box with a label. Maybe to have an overwhelming feeling of love we need to get out of the way—we need to relax and receive the beauty of this moment. Maybe love is the music that I’m listening here on my desktop that, for a moment, leaves me in awe and suspends my normal tick-tock of thoughts.

Can I say, getting hold of the vehicle to cross the ocean of life is love? If yes then OM is the vehicle. Knowing your breaths is a vehicle. And the only way you can do it is by relaxation. Relaxation is key—not lethargy, not spending all of our energy on something that doesn’t uncover our vital essence. I believe that “closing our eyes and just observing our breaths” can bring us to a state where we might catch a glimpse of an all-inclusive feeling of vastness, where maybe love makes us lay on our mats with tears streaming down our faces. Doing this is never the uniform process across all humans. It’s never about getting it right or wrong, rather it’s all about whether you do it or not. Is there patience, is there curiosity, is there a balance between yin and yang? These are questions we should be asking ourselves while we’re trying to hack the flow state. 

And later when we open our eyes in new ways and when we look at something we’ve been looking at for years, we subtly get to see and hopefully feel, something entirely different. It would definitely bring out the ways which brings happiness to us, when we are happy just for ourselves. It teaches us to remain calm and composed during challenges and especially that moment when we’re about to react. It is a practice of softening the ego and reaching for our highest self.

I believe consciousness is a choice, either we want it, or we don’t. If you haven’t done this till today, start fresh. And start the fresh chapter of life by asking yourself, “What you want to do when you start fresh?” And when I am asking you to ask this question to yourself, you may want to ask me “How do you move ahead when you do not know what would be your next step?” My sincere suggestion is get moving and get going. Follow the flow of life. Everything Connects (believe me, it does). Trust Fully and Surrender Completely. And you will be perfectly OK.

And whenever you are gone away, keep coming back to trust, keep coming back to the process of knowing your breaths, keep coming back to the silent moments when you interact with your own soul; JUST KEEP COMING BACK. Because success is the only outcome of this process.

If we don’t get to know ourselves in this way, how can we tap into that love? And if we don’t tap into that love, how can we share it?

I realize that this is a lot of questions and nothing affirmed. But that’s love, right? Maybe? I don’t know.

Love,

From my heart to yours,

Tanu

Lessons I learnt being in a Long Distance Relationship

There are no two ways around it… being apart from the one person you most want to be spending time with is stressful. Learning to communicate well and stay connected across distance is stressful. And there are plenty of other things that pop up in life that are stressful, too.

Dentists, anyone? Exams? Driving in Capital?

Is stress always bad for us?

Don’t get me wrong, stress is not always bad for us.

Without some pressure in our lives, we stagnate. We need some challenges in life to help focus us, motivate us, and keep us stretching, learning, and growing.

However, too much stress can overwhelm us—at least temporarily.

Most of us in long distance relationships have experienced times when we felt close to breaking or completely overwhelmed.

And what do we tend to do when we feel stressed and overwhelmed?

We often reach for things that bring us comfort (familiar foods and routines). Or escape into entertainment or games. Or try to avoid the things that are stressing us out.

We often to spend all our “coping energy” on what we need to do to get through the day, and then take out our fatigue and frustrations on those closest to us.

How stress impacts your relationship

Many couples communicate quite well when life’s skies are sunny and it is all smooth sailing. However, when clouds roll in and the wind picks up, it can be a different story.

When you or your partner (or both) are tired and stressed, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise as quickly as summer storms.

You might find yourself getting annoyed more easily. Or arguing more frequently. Or speaking to your partner in a curt, impatient tone you’d never use on a work colleague.

On the other side of the coin, you can find yourselves confused and frustrated by your partner moods, words, and actions. You can feel helpless to know how to approach them (especially if you’re far apart), or what to do or say.

Either way, the very relationship that you count on to help sustain you can become another draining source of tension, right when you need help the most.

How to stop stress destroying your relationship

One of the best things you can do to make these times easier is to discuss these dynamics with your partner when you are not tired or stressed.

The better you understand how each of you typically thinks or feels during times of stress and pressure, the better you will be able to encourage and support each other during those extra-stressful times. Yes, even if you’re far apart.

Answer these questions

Here are 10 questions you can talk over with your partner.

These questions are designed to help you learn more about how each of you responds to stress and pressure. Take your time with these and really delve into the details! Discussing these questions on good days (before you’re all stressed out) will yield big dividends on bad days. I promise.

1.    What are the biggest sources of stress or pressure in your life right now?

2.    Where is the biggest mismatch in your life right now between what you believe and how you are acting?

3.    Do you feel “out of balance” in any area of life right now? What are those areas?

4.   When you feel stressed, how does that show up in how you interact with other people?

5. When you are under pressure, what are some of your “early warning” signs of stress?

6.   When you become aware of your early warning signs, what do you do to help prevent your stress from growing?

7.    What are some of your typical self-care and coping strategies when you are stressed, tired, or anxious? (Make sure you think about coping strategies you use that are “good for you,” and those that “aren’t so good for you.”)

8.  What are one or two things that help you manage stress and pressure that you want to be able to do more often?

9.  When you are struggling, how can your partner best help you? What are good ways to approach you and good questions to ask you when you’re stressed?

10. Since caring for yourself is foundational to being able to care well for your important relationships, how can your partner encourage you to take care of yourself?