Rules to a game of LOVE & IMPORTANCE

We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones too.

Some beautiful ones are: Loving people means believing their potential, loving means treating people with kindness and gentleness, loving the people in your life means celebrating their success and cheering them on.

Some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful are those ideas which usually bred problems in one’s relationships. Some of them are: Loving someone means always being available to them, another myth about love is, if you love someone, you do what they are asking you to do, out of love, even if it feels difficult.

I’ve developed my own guidelines for loving the people in my life, guidelines that express how I want to relate to people around me. I am sure some of them are yours too…..

1.    Tell them about their brilliance: They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.

2.    Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship: Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.

3.    Listen, Listen and Listen: Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.

4.   Don’t waste your time and energy thinking about how they need to be different: Really. Chuck the whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you – not what you think would be good to change about them.

5.    Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself: Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.

6.   See their value: Remember that everyone you encounter was created by the divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.

7.    Accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: EVERYTHING THAT I EXPERIENCE FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IS EITHER LOVE OR A CALL FOR LOVE.

At the same time I have learnt that when you give more importance to someone in life, you tend to lose your importance in their life……. I read a quote which cleared up a lot of confusion and hopefully it will help you too. “IF IT IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO YOU, YOU WILL FIND A WAY. IF NOT, YOU WILL FIND AN EXCUSE”.

Sometimes, you may not be successful in receiving back the kind and amount of importance you have given to someone. But worry not! Just believe in that it is OK, there will be times when you are in the same position as well. Don’t get hung up over it and don’t let it get you down or deter you from giving importance to other people in the future. The right people will always reciprocate, I can vouch for that. Hence I believe that sometimes the best way to get someone’s attention is to stop giving them yours.

At the end, I would just like to remind and assure that all the relationships are beautiful and made in heaven. All that we have to do is to choose accurately the relationship God has made for us and give our one hundred percent in that relation to reap us love, care, respect and support throughout our life.

The mantras are not the perfect ones but I am somewhat attached to them and believe in them.

Small tweaks to happiness

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Marcel Proust

Living a happier life often seems to be about living your big dreams and putting in a lot of work over a long time.

I agree that it is one part. But another part of happiness is here in small ways today. Here are some small tweaks that can find the ways to feel happier everyday, in every way……

1.   Be kind in small ways. Let someone in into your lane while driving your car. Hold up the door or hold the elevator for a stranger. Not just because that you tend to get back what you give in some form. But for yourself too, these little things add up and make you feel better about yourself.

2.  Be appreciative of other people. Replace the habit of spotting the things that annoy you about people with one where you make small or big positive observations about them. And be sure to tell them that.

3.  Cut back on the time you spend with most negative person in your life. And spend more time with the most positive person(s).

4.  Be 5 or 10 minutes early. This will make travel time a time of relaxation and renewal rather than a time of stress and negativity added to your day. Plus, you’ll be on time.

5.  Do what is not “you”. Try a new dish for lunch. Read a book or watch a movie that is not in your usual genre. Learn a little about a topic that is not something you are usually into. This is a great and fun way to find new perspectives in life, to grow and to expand your comfort zone just a little on a daily or weekly basis. Cultivating this habit also makes it easier to get out of your comfort zone when larger and “scarier” opportunities present themselves.

6.  Let go of one thing from your past. Clinging on to an old conflict, argument or that you were wronged by someone can consume a lot of time, energy and space in your life. And as Jan Glidewell once said: “You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.”
So to stop hurting yourself you have to accept that what is in your mind is in the past now. By accepting that it is in the past that you need to let go to live your life fully now.

7.  Take the smarter and higher road. Don’t be someone the people can walk all over, set boundaries and say no when needed. But recognize that unnecessary conflicts just waste your time and energy. And that some people are so addicted to the drama and conflicts that you will never win or reach an understanding between the two of you. There are more fun and good things to spend time on in your life. So try to reach an understanding. But if it doesn’t work then remove yourself from getting drawn into their conflicts and make the day better for both you and possibly them.

8.  Be kind to yourself. The next time you make a mistake or fail don’t treat yourself like a jerk of a boss would. Instead, be kind, see what you can learn from what happened, gently nudge yourself in the right direction again and keep going.

9.  Appreciate yourself. It’s OK and something that a lot of people don’t do enough. Spend 5 minutes every day with thinking about or writing it down the things you can appreciate about yourself and how far you have come. Do this enough times – try 30 days – to change how you view yourself on a more permanent level.

Science behind DROPPING

Drop the negative people around you.

Start by restricting your contact to the negative people in your life. Though you may not want to cut them out of your life altogether, you should make a conscious effort to spend less time with them and reduce your contact with them. 

Drop saying YES all the time.

Everyone knows the adage: good fences make good neighbors. Basically, it means to set firm boundaries. By setting boundaries, we find the freedom to behave in our best interest, with fewer distractions and fewer unwanted intrusions. Building good fences—setting boundaries—is one of the most important skills to master for both personal and professional growth. And one of the most important aspects of a good fence is the ability to say “NO” to the people, activities and engagements that we do not enjoy or that do not advance us personally or professionally. By saying “YES” to too many things, we may be saying no to some very important things. If our plate is too full, there’s no room for the unexpected or ideal opportunity. If our fences aren’t strong, everything gets in. Here are some tips to help you to say no: 

Implement a 24-hour pause period.

Say no with grace and authority that is honest, simple & straight forward.

Simplify your commitments.

Create white space on your calendar.

Set your boundaries, and stick to them.

Drop the past.

Negative events of the past can make it hard to live in the present. Troubling memories can make it hard to sleep or get through the day. There will come a point at which you must let go of the past or it will define your future. And yet, we always carry our pasts with us in the ways we think, talk, and perceive the world. Hence one should follow the following:

Accept the past

Acknowledge the challenges of the past.

Accept that you cannot change what happened, only how you view it.

Drop worrying about the future.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Leo Buscaglia

We can’t predict, we can’t control and we’re only here for a short time.  So forget the future.  Get in the present and enjoy every single moment.

You can’t predict it.

You can’t control it.  

You’re missing the best time of your life.

Drop caring about the mistakes you have made.

“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

We can very much use our past in the most rich and helpful way. We can use past mistakes to yield a shiny new perspective and, in turn, create a new outcome.

Accept the idea of a failure en route to your goals. In essence, plan for some roadblocks, not when they come (you knew they were coming), and move on as quickly as possible. Connect with the fact that with up comes down, with light comes darkness. With down comes up, with darkness comes light.

When you find yourself smack in the middle of a day filled with disequilibrium, remember that your equilibrium must be right around the corner. Trust in the flow of your life and that of the universe.

Drop trying to please everyone.

Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.  How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway. Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. Accept that someone else’s opinion is NOT your problem.

Bottom line:  The opinions other people have about you is their problem, not yours. The less you worry about what they think of you, the less complicated your life becomes. 

Drop your limiting beliefs.

Beliefs are mental notions and assumptions we have, about ourselves and the world around us that we hold onto as absolute truths. It’s not too late to set aside your limiting beliefs and live in the beautiful present where everything is new and can be made exactly as you want them.

Be Coffee, don't just make it

A daughter complained to her dad that her life is miserable….. that she didn’t know how she was going to make it!

Daughter (D): I am tired.

One problem was solved. And one soon followed……

Her dad (A chef) took her to the kitchen.

Papa (P): Come with me.

He boiled 3 pots of water and then put in

ü    Potatoes

ü    Eggs

ü    Ground Coffee Beans

P: Let them sit and boil.

Without talking to her in the meantime.

The daughter waited impatiently and wondered what he was doing.

After 20 minutes, her dad took the potatoes, eggs and coffee out and show them to her.

P: My dear, what did you see?

D: Potatoes, eggs and coffee.

P: Look closer and touch the potatoes!

She did and noticed that it was SOFT.

Her dad then asked her to break an egg and she discovered that it was HARD BOILED.

And finally she drank the coffee which had STRONG AROMA.

D: What does this mean?

Dad then explained that they all faced the same adversity in the boiling water :

Potatoes (hard strong) + Adversity = Soft Weak.

Egg: thin shell (fragile) + Adversity = Hard Inside (Stronger Self)

Coffee (Unique) + Adversity = Changed the Water and make something new!

LIFE IS ABOUT LEARNING, ADOPTING AND CONVERTING ALL THE STRUGGLES INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE

It is OK to fail! Most important is, how you react and make the most out of it. It’s all about attitude!

What adversity hits, which one is you?Potatoes?

Eggs?

Coffee?

Struggle to achieve your goal

Summer Will End Soon Enough

To everyone, there is a season and mine is Winter. I like duvets, cardigans, not shaving my legs, shoes with socks – on me and others – thick jeans, hot coffee, a blanket on the sofa watching my favourite show on the TV, no worries for ACs being off due to frequent power cuts, and in the relaxed mood, again having something hot to eat.

Summer is for those who like salads, greenery, sleeping with AC on all night instead of cocooned in thick blankets and covered with thermals, sleeveless dresses, pedicure and strappy sandals, iced tea………… Actually the list can be very long as it can have all that which I hate to do.

In spite of the sun finally doing its job, in spite of me getting to exercise, or let’s say only walk, a bit more, in spite of a more relaxed schedule, in spite of the fact that you don’t have to struggle through all your nerves to wake up in the morning, unlike winters; Still summers ends me with feeling like I’ve been injected with the massive dose of BLAH. Even if I wear the lightest cloths I have, still I feel so heavy and weary.

What makes summer even bad for me is because of all these added reasons which you just cannot forget while being in India; Too Many Weddings, Uncontrollable Sweating, Sunscreen, People Who Stink, Trash, Lack of Air Conditioning, Power Cuts etc etc etc….. I really wish it to stay for the shortest possible time and also takes away, with it, all the humid, sweaty and stinking emotions. And I am positive of the fact that summers, just like spring, is not here to stay forever. It will end soon and so will my craziness and hatred for the season.

Friends never get old, nor does friendship

Last Week was a crazy one for me in all respects. Had a lot of pending tasks on my table and then some unplanned, unexpected meetings and some very pleasant chats were in store for me as well. The week was full of mixed emotions and crazy surroundings.

Due to excitement, still alive within me, I am unable to give this blog of mine a start which would probably reflect what I want to share. But still let me try and start in this way. Some of my friends call me often, some drop me a message, with some I chat of and on, with some I meet occasionally, many just call me on my birthday to give wishes. These all gestures look probably small but for me they are worth enough to be grateful to God for giving me so wonderful friends. It always keeps me excited and feel great about. With this let me share with you all, that last week, I met my old school friend after a long time, can say more than a decade and a half.

School times give us best friends of our life, as friendship is not conditional, does not depend on selfish motive. Meeting them again after being lost for a long time in altogether different and difficult world, is like meeting our roots, our innocence, a real you, which one forget often while struggling had with life.

And then all of a sudden you instantly plan to catch up with someone belonging to you, brings along a bundle of joy and memories worth remembering. An amazing part of our meeting was that the moment we saw each other, that was on a road side, we started moving, rather running, towards each other and hugged right there. We chatted for long and got connected instantly as there was not any time gap at all. Our conversation bought back all those school memories back which I will always cherish. I believe these incidences and memories boosts me and give me one of the reasons to smile and live. Nostalgic is the word, but the feeling I got just can’t be expressed in words, and can say that we had so much to catch up on!

And hence this day also added to the book of my memories. Thank you dost for bringing me this feeling of joy, contentment and reconnecting to my good old days. You are the one who inspire me write and smile today. Thank you once again.

Its Awesome to be a WOMAN

Today, after a very long time I thought of writing again. I know I make promises to myself that at least every month I will be writing and devoting at least one day of the month towards fulfilling my this hobby. But again as the promise made to myself get older in days, it loses it effect and tends to shade away.

Again today, when a reader praised me on my earlier blog some few days ago, I realized that how dead my blog page is without any new post and also without any new reader. So here I am, again to share an unconventional thought of mine on the subject related to “very me” i.e. THE WOMEN. Although this read will be a small read, but I promise that it will be worth reading every word.

The question “what is the essence of a woman” got popular when by answering this question, Miss India SUSHMITA SEN won Miss Universe title and made all Indians very proud. Her answer, in not so exact words, was “I think being a woman by the very fact itself is the gift of God. The origin of a child is a mother as is a woman. She is the one who shows man what caring, sharing and love is all about.” And although I cannot beat this answer, but just in the continuity of this very fact, I would like to add few of my own points as well which are as follows.

I have to be a woman. It is the inner beauty and the compassion and her aura, the calm that she always have inside her, makes me get strong on the fact that I have to be a woman only. The woman is the only one and can only be the one who reflects all of it.

She is unstoppable, not because she did not have failures or doubts but because she continued to move on despite all of them being present. A woman is a gift to a man and she is a gift to the world as well. The very essence of a woman is when she makes her gender proud on whatever tasks she achieve.

I am constantly improving on being a woman and I am sure all my readers will also work on the very essence of their own self and improve themselves in the way best possible for them.

In the end, I would just like to request you all, keep working towards betterment of your own self and be a better version of yourself every day. Keep reading and stay tuned for the next post J.