Weaving our daily webs

 

"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." 

- Matsuo Basho

Behind our house, there’s a yard. Each morning, clouds rise from the valley. Dew covers small spider webs in the grass, making them shine. The webs are made of many tiny threads. By noon, the dew is gone. By sunset, most of the webs disappear too. So much effort and beauty rising and falling unnoticed.

I started thinking about my countless little daily efforts that go unnoticed. Preparing the meals, packing the lunches, cleaning the counters organizing the scattered things and clutter, making the bed, tidying my inbox, folding laundry, … to what end? It’s a question that I’ve asked myself - and have been asked by others - a lot. I think it’s a question that comes from the mistaken belief that there is some end.

Life isn’t a product, but a practice. Spiders weave their fading webs not for the future but for a future. They weave, wait, repair because that’s what it takes to live. Their webs often catch nothing, they get damaged or totally destroyed. All of their efforts will disappear over time, and that’s totally natural.

We have cultivated a rather unnatural context of effort. Much of our effort has become commoditized and transactional. We work for money. We workout for health. We learn for skills. We share for likes. We eat for enjoyment. This context causes suffering in three significant ways.

First, transactional efforts set expectations that are increasingly difficult to meet. The more we expect from what we do, the more likely we are to be disappointed. Be it career, relationships, travel, health, wealth, social media has set our expectations impossibly high in almost every dimension. When we compare our effort and results to the world, it often leaves us feeling chronically less than, disappointed, frustrated, bitter, demotivated, resentful.

Secondly, we do fewer things for their own sake. Focusing on outcomes often diminishes the process. Doing the bed just to get it done isn’t fun. Doing it while listening to a podcast, or to calm the space is enjoyable. 

Lastly, the “to what end” mindset can opaque the very answers we’re looking for, and they are hiding in plain sight.

When we simply stop doing these fleeting activities, the quality of our life drops dramatically. Be it our homes, relationships, or health, what we don’t care for, deteriorates. Not only this, but all that shimmers in our life today is the legacy of the countless strands - no matter how thin, thankless, or transient - we spun day after day after day. To what end? Look around. Everything we love in our life is resulted from countless forgotten efforts. Forgotten, not meaningless.

We often practice beating ourselves up for the things we got wrong. What if we practiced being grateful for the person who allowed you to enjoy a clean house, a healthy meal, a resilient relationship? It all took a lot of work, most of which is invisible to all but you.

By acknowledging our tiny efforts today, we create the conditions to have more trust, compassion, and even love for ourselves tomorrow. Though our efforts are fleeting, these qualities are timeless, and it’s much easier to practice life with someone you’re grateful for.

Thank you for taking the time,

Tanu