The Wait Continues.......

Yes, I am waiting since so long and it is still on. This wait is about changed attitude.

I thought it is easy to learn from the mistakes we do and the anxiety of the losses we had in past, will preserve us from repeating them again. But after having the continuous fights over the same issues with the same person, I have realized that it is easier said than done. No one learns from their mistakes, not even me. People repeat those continuously. What I have understood is, they do not do them intentionally rather it has become their basic nature. And even after so much of GYAAN on this, by ‘n’ number of people, they just refuse to change.

Mistakes, makes us perfect no doubt! Rather mistakes are the costs we pay for perfection and success. But is it necessary to pay the same cost again and again? Is it not more interesting and adventurous to pay a new cost, if necessary, every second time. Is it important that when the loss becomes irreplaceable, then only one has to understand the reason as a repeated mistake behind it?

I have been losing alot in the past due to the mistakes of people around me and the ones I were doing continuously, but unfortunately, at present also I am entangled in the same trap and loosing on time and fun which I could have got otherwise. And the worse is that I do not know the solution to overcome from this problem. Except to be positive that someday the person will understand my point of view too and we will have one less reason to fight over.

And I end up saying the same closing line “the wait continues”...... 

Perfection to be chased but Consistency to be acheived

So often, I make the mistake of believing that sticking to good habits is an “all-or-nothing” game. This belief of mine is incorrect. Habits are behaviours that we repeat consistently. However, they are not behaviours we repeat perfectly. This small idea — consistency does not require perfection — is important.

When it comes to building good habits and breaking bad habits, individual mistakes do not matter in the long run. Instead, it is the

second mistake that is far more important. For example, missing any single day of a particular habit has no impact on your long-term ability to stick to the habit. It doesn't matter when it occurs, as making a mistake and slipping up does not alter the long-term outcome, so long as if you find a way to get back on track.

I have observed that what separates the elite performers from me is not

perfection but CONSISTENCY. This is why the most important thing is not to prevent mistakes completely, but to avoid making a mistake twice in a row. Errors are part of the process, but they shouldn't become part of the pattern.

One mistake is just an outlier. Two mistakes are the beginning of a pattern. Killing this pattern before it snowballs into something bigger is one reason why learning how to get back on track quickly is an essential skill for building good habits.

How to Get Back on Track

Here are some of the strategies I have started adopting for getting back on track quickly and avoiding repeated mistakes.

Dedicate all of your energy to starting the good behaviour.  I find it more useful to release the focus on results and direct my energy toward getting started. I have stopped worrying about having a fantastic performance. I have started to focus just on getting back into the swing of things.

I like to use the two-minute rule to help me start behaviours easily. As I really find it true that all your goals can not be accomplished in two minutes but every such goal can be started in two minutes. All sorts of good things happen once you get started.

Set a schedule for your habits. Many people never get around to building new habits because they always wonder when they will be motivated to do the new habit. I also had the same mind set earlier. But now I have learned that taking the motivation out of the equation and setting a schedule for your new behaviour is all that it matters. And you will find that in no time the new behaviour will become a part of your old routine.

Eliminate the things that take you off track. Some emergencies can’t be avoided, but there are many daily distractions you can eliminate, and that is exactly what I have started practicing. Whenever I find myself missing any habit, I take a moment to determine why it happened.

I have stopped judging myself; rather I just examine my day with open eyes and determine what took me off course. And believe me, once you begin to discover the things that took you off course, you can eliminate them whenever possible.

Improve by subtracting. It is much easier to make the right decision if you are surrounded by better choices.

Science of Simplicity

Have you ever thought about how much time you likely waste deciding what to wear in the morning? It’s probably made you late to school or work more times than you can count.

We waste so many precious moments concerning ourselves with frivolous details. An outfit will not change the world; it probably won’t even change your day.

This is not to say that fashion isn’t important, as it has an immense impact on culture and, in turn, the direction of society. Indeed, fashion is where art, culture and history intersect. Simply put, clothes can tell us a lot about sociology.

Yet, at the same time, we’ve arguably become an excessively materialistic and superficial society. Undoubtedly, there are greater things to worry about than clothes.

Similarly, as the great American author Henry David Thoreau once stated:

Our life is frittered away by detail.

…Simply, simplify.

In essence, don’t sweat the small stuff. Make your life easier by concentrating on the big picture. Correspondingly, a number of very successful people have adopted this philosophy in their daily routines.

From the leader of the most powerful country on the planet, President Obama to the late, great, Steve Jobs further to Mark Zuckerberg are the ones who typically wear Grey/Blue Suit, black turtleneck with jeans and sneakers every single day and a grey t-shirt with a black hoody and jeans, respectively, when seen in public.

Simply put, by stressing over things like what to eat or wear every day, people become less efficient at work.

This is precisely why individuals like President Obama, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg decided to make life easier by adopting a monotonous wardrobe.

Obviously, as these are some of the most successful and productive individuals in history, they are on to something.

Make Life Simple

Indeed, having a diverse collection of clothing is overrated. We waste so much time worrying about things that have no substantial consequences, and don’t even realize how easily we could change this.

The vast majority of us are guilty of obsessing over material things. When it comes down to it, they bring no real value to our lives. True fulfilment is acquired by going out into the world and fostering palpable and benevolent changes.

Buying a new pair of shoes might make you feel more confident in the short-term, but it will not enrich your life in the long-term.

Undoubtedly, the world would be an extremely boring place if we all wore the same exact thing every day.

Yet, we might all consider simplifying our lives a bit more by reducing the amount of time we spend thinking about pointless aspects of our day. In the process, one might find that they are significantly less stressed, more productive and more fulfilled.

Life is complicated enough; don’t allow the little things to dictate your happiness. Simplify, simplify.

On running out of conversation

I used to think that running out of conversation was the worst thing that could happen to a relationship. There was a quiet finality about it, quite unlike rage or betrayal which provided a perverse reassurance even when the relationship itself was falling apart. The popular notion was that if you’re running out of things to say, then you’re probably running out of things you have in common, which means you’re likely to get bored very soon.

Of course, I was not alone in this. I’ve had friends (women, always) who pursued me upon the first signs of conversation wearing out. “I feel like we don’t talk that much anymore” was a refrain that once made me shudder and melt at the same time. I then went on some pretty nasty guilt-trips. I mean, I come with the unique talent of making everything MY fault, after which, I will brood, apologize profusely and make amends. Then I will go over the whole episode in my head objectively, rationalize, and get really mad with the other person for not introspecting, not being self-aware and so gladly accepting my apologies. I quite started to digress.

Nowadays, I have a completely different take on this. I still think that weakening conversation is usually a sign of waning interest (with the exception of those relationships (usually family) that come with this gorgeous, perfect silence that just lets you be). But it doesn’t bother me anymore when a relationship shows signs of dying a natural death. It doesn’t even bother me when it bothers the other person. While this might sound cold on the surface, there’s a simple logic at work here: I only have room for this many (that’s about a handful) people in my life.

Of these, some people fall under the lots-of-momentum category. They are people who are constantly pushing themselves, pursuing goals, holding themselves accountable when they aren’t being authentic enough, nice enough, interesting enough. The result is magical. I’ve known them for years and there’s never been a dull moment. And here’s the thing: There’s always something to TALK about. The other category is people who are a constant thorn in my flesh (the ones who seem to exist just to give me grief every now and then) and I can’t seem to shake them off. But they have their place too: They make me grow. And besides, they have a way of falling away on their own when they’ve served their purpose.

My problem is with the ones in between. They’re not moving forward fast enough to keep me interested, and they’re not painful enough to make me grow. It’s like there’s only so much time and I have to be very clear about what I want to do in this time. What are the relationships I want to nurture? What are the goals I must accomplish? What are the dreams I want to pursue? All of this aside, there are such things as making a living, running errands, falling in love, doing chores, standing in queues, having heart pounded from falling in love, getting stuck in traffic, , missing trains/flights, fixing A/Cs, catching the flu, etc. etc that get in the way. So how is one supposed to fit in ‘Try to make conversation and force a connection with friend who refuses to try to move forward?’ into the schedule? Also, WHY should one try so hard when the other person chooses to be stuck in Time-Warp Land?

I’m not saying you stop caring about people you’ve run out of conversation with. I know for a fact that I’ll be there for anyone in my life should they really need me. And if I have fab memories with them, I’ll keep those close too. And who’s to tell – perhaps, years down the line, some life-altering situation might change one of us beyond recognition and cause us to reconnect and grow closer than we were the first time.

But until then, would it be so wrong to acknowledge that we have nothing to say and that’s OKAY? I guess, yes! Just as similar to every first day of a week which is always a busy Monday, but it’s OK.........

What is there in Name?

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet (William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet)

In India, it is not just the name; rather it is more than that.

Indian Parents start looking for the name of the kids the day an embryo is conceived in the mother’s womb OR even earlier. They apply their all intelligence in doing so. It represents the aspiration of the parents. It represents their un-fulfilled dreams which they want to visualize in their kids. 

While searching for a job, a fresher would go with a company with an established goodwill, generally called as brand name. A same cloth purchased with any reputed company's name attached to it would cost anyone in multiples as compared to the one without a brand name.

For that matter, Amitabh Bachhan, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, OSHO, Dev Anand........(the list is never ending) are recognized more with their names instead of their appearances.

Even , the living beings on earth worship and prayer, probably the same thing, in different languages to GOD named differently in their religion. Some worship SHIVA, some offer their prayers to ALLAH, some believes in JESUS and some knows their God with the name of GURU NANAK. The appeal is same, the blessings we all seek are same, the kindness we want from God is just the same, but still it (GOD) has many names.

I just mentioned the above background to reflect the importance of name change, as it is in some way attached to my earning/job profile too. Since the time I have started earning and getting jobs, the organization I join, is usually named different from the organization I leave at the end.

For example, I joined my banking career with UTI bank and by the time I decided to leave it, it has a new name called AXIS bank. Similarly, when I joined as an academician, I joined some other organization and at the time of leaving it was something else.

And now when, I joined Govt. sector, I joined Planning Commission, which with the sun rise of new-year i.e. 2015 lost its old identity to form a new one named National Institution for Transforming India (NITI AAYOG).

May be the change in name is a symbol of change in their importance, change in the way they work, change in the expectation of the organization from its employees, change in the outlook of the organization and finally to prove that nothing is permanent other than CHANGE. And change in name is to change in identity and change in everything it use to possess.

Hence, there is for sure something in name. Had I ever got a chance to meet Shakespeare he must not have stated, “what is there in a name”.